A tawdry tale

So last night was the first time in years that I can remember sleeping through the entire night without waking up once. And the entire night I dreamed that I was on "The Next Iron Chef" competition. I went through all the challenges and eliminations and I was in the final three and I knew I was going to win. The judges adjourned to their little room to discuss and when they came back out I was so excited that I guess my heart rate was so high and my breathing so shallow that just as they were about to announce the winner I woke up. I felt totally robbed after all that hard work that I didn't get to hear my name as the winner and at least enjoy the moment in my dream. It was one of the meanest tricks my subconscious has ever played on me. But its amusing now.

Now, for the tawdry tale:

Yesterday we decided that I should try on a cockring, since I've never had one on before and knew nothing about them. We went to the Atlanta Leather Company (yeah really, of all places to go lol) and looked at them. I always just thought they were sortof rubber bandish stretchy things. Oh the buffet laid before me. Leather, neoprene, stainless steel, platinum, leather with staply spikes on the inside, weighted ones, on and on. Of course, the inner monkey screaming to get out, I was mesmerized by the shiny metal ones so the guy told me that I was allowed to try them on (I watched him clean it before AND after I tried it on). So he asks me what size I need, I tell him I don't have a clue, so he hands me one and tells me that this is the most popular size that usually fits most people. I go in the back and put the thing up to my nuts and realize that ONE of my testicles is the same size as the opening. Nervously, I waller the thing around until I manage to get all my junk through it and the guy comes back and asks how it fits. I didn't know how snug they were supposed to be, so he told me that when I was hard (which I was getting very close to) I should be able to fit a finger in under my balls. I couldn't fit a finger in anywhere, which I let him know and quickly asked how to get the damn thing off. Apparently the only way to get them off is to get soft. That's really hard to do when something is squeezing your cock. It took about 5 minutes of fierce concentration to finally get the thing off. Fast forward after trying on another one: They didn't have one big enough for me. *struts* While I could see the reality of some shit and know that they were just sold out of the next size up, I prefer to think that they just didn't have one big enough for this piece. ;) BMP strikes again (something ONLY Melissa will understand).

Now that I've typed that, I'm kind of shy. But I think its funny, and I'll enjoy reading it in a few years, so post!