Amerigo Vespucci?

So last night I had one of the most interesting dreams of my life, I'll try to recount it as well as I can to make it into a sensible story.

So I dreamed that America was undiscovered country and that Amerigo Vespucci (or Christopher Columbus, apparently my subconscious doesn't know who discovered America first lol) and Kevin were in competition as to who would be 'King of America.' I was Kevin's advisor and I was doing everything in my power to make him King, including systematically plotting and killing the entire court of Sr. Vespucci/Columbus. In the meantime I had to make sure that I kept Kevin safe, because he would frequently get drunk and endanger himself. It was very bizarre, but I enjoyed it when I woke up, because I knew I was winning.

In other news, the Leslie Hall show on saturday was unbelievably shiny and gemfantabulous. Her new album is fun, I've enjoyed listening to it the last few days (on my giant trampoline I go bounce bounce / you fall in love with every ounce ounce ). Dolly Parton's new album is ok according to Kevin, I haven't given it a listen yet, but I like the first single, the rest of the album is probably just fodder for that. I'm listening to Janet's new album (Discipline) and really liking it so far! I don't like the fist single (feedback) so much, but there's one called Rollercoaster that I really hope she releases as a single. She was due a good album after the last few, and hopefully this will be it.

Making a Rum cake today and have an appointment at Le Cordon Bleu on friday. :)

OMFG PLZ!!

By the way, I'm so not serious with the OMG stuff, I just think its so hilarious that people still use that, so I use it all the time too.

The moment of truth has nearly arrived. We will be serandaded by her royal Gemminess oh so soon. I kinda wish I hadn't started drinking at 4, maybe I'd be a bit more together. Maybe Mother Gem will still have a little love in her gold lame clad heart for me and my boozy breath.

Happy weekend ya'll!

As if

As if there were ever any question about him being the most wretchedly homosexual thing since Liberace, I present... Harry Pecker. He sort of resembles a young Jim Dangle on meth.

Heather's almost here! We're going to the hareport to get her in half an hour! WHOOT! I'm so excited, its gonna be an awesome weekend!

Just thought I'd let you know...

I called up Alexa at Bergdorf's Sunday night and told her I needed gloves, a hat, an evening dress, two coats,12 sweaters, a couple hair accessories, a slouchy belt, and some stockings, because I threw my old ones out by accident. I needed a new watch, too—something modern and new but traditional and in platinum—but I just called up Enrico for that, because he knows my hands.

Well, Monday morning rolled around, and then it was Monday afternoon, and I still didn't have my purchases. When Alexa finally showed up, I understood why she'd taken so long—she had clearly gone out of her way to hand pick the most hideous pieces from the most hideous collections, carefully ensuring, while she was at it, that several of the items were not even in my size. (I'm a Versace 6, a Marc Jacobs 4.)

I don't understand what was going through her head when she chose that J. Mendel evening dress. Basic black? I'm not trying to buy an evening dress that I'll be able to wear for years to come, thank you.

I may as well have a colorblind Mongoloid doing the job for me. And her voice. That awful, mousy little mumbled falsetto. "Enunciate!" I said. "It's no wonder you're living in a fifth-floor walkup."

And La Perla bras? Completely off the mark. I told her I wanted sexy, not a bra for my grandmother. If that's her idea of sensuous lingerie, it's no wonder she can't keep a man committed to her.

I try to be forgiving to the poor girl, because I know that it must be hard to be so unattractive, but some of these items go beyond the pale. The Be & D handbag looked like something an insane person would carry. And when I asked her to pick up my dry cleaning, she acted like I was the one out of line. Two words. Service. Industry. Thank you.

I could perhaps have humored her if she came back with two or three gaudy cashmere sweaters. Taste is, after all, subjective. That she brought me 12, however, is more than I should have to endure. I took the sweaters to spare myself the hassle, but Lord knows they're going to be sitting in the back of my closet unworn ten years from now.

I should have gone with that homosexual with the harelip, Chi-Chi.

I could fire her, but then I would have to go through this incredible bore every afternoon when I go to Bergdorf's. Besides, it's more than I can do right now. I'm up to my ears in planning next season's winter formal. This is a disaster.

Maybe I can just hand the Be & D to a homeless person. They might be thrilled. Wait, Janice Goldman's daughter adores Be & D. I'll give Janice the bag next time I see her in the park, pretend this never happened, and just pray that Marie Elaine has fared better.

I'm the luckiest human on earth

For I am preparing myself already for the glory of Mother Gem to shower down upon me next weekend. Yes, oh yes my friends, the star spangled mothership of bedazzlement is landing in Atlanta next weekend and guess who has three tickets? That's right.

I'm also viciously excited that Heather is coming to visit next weekend. Aside from just always have so much effin' fun with her, I'm positive that she'll inspire me and spur me on to something exciting (such as my Cordon Bleu plans that I'm hesitating on). She's good people to have around. She should be a staple in anyone's pantry. Or panties, but her in my panties has already gotten us into trouble once. hahaha

And now, be awash in the glow of Her Royal Gemminess:

Glum glum glum

I was in the dumps yesterday. I'm kinda tired of not having a job. I hope I can even find something part time (that would be ideal).

I'm completely over the idea of trying to work in some sort of professional services firm, as they all seem to be completely unprofessional and grimy. Never met a bigger group of bitter old gossipy queens than architects.

I hate cripples and whores, especially when they work in tandem.

I'm currently working my way through the Altador plot on neopets. Yeah, because I don't have anything better to do.

Made some awesome soup the other day, really simple too:

1 sweet potato
1 onion (I used yellow)
1 red bell pepper
2 cloves garlic, minced
6 cups chicken stock (or veggie stock if you want vegetarian)
some fresh grated ginger
black and cayenne pepper
a mediumish blob of peanut butter and a couple teaspoons of honey

puree the whole thing (because I hate chunky soup) and chop some scallions for the top. Its awesome and mad cheap too!

I've got a crush on Jay Chou:

Friday = happy monkey dance

I like fridays cause Kevin doesn't work on friday. I made cinnamon rolls this morning (not homemade, maybe next time) and woke him up with them.

We've got some friends coming over tonight to play games and have dinner, and tomorrow we've got a friend coming to stay over with us and play MORE games and go out dancing at Wild Mustang! I have a feeling this is going to be a freakin awesome weekend.

My dear Flapjack has also reminded me that its almost Valentimes!